Jacob Matthew Walker

I had to watch a movie for my psychology class today. It was about suicide...I didnt say anything to anyone but the whole time the movie was on, all I could do was think about you. August 18, 2008...I can't believe it was that long ago. I can still hear your voice, your laugh, I can still feel your hug. We were complete opposites. But you were always there for me no matter what anyone said. I was the prep, you were the punk. I was a cheerleader that just wanted to cheer and do nothing but shop. You were a skater and all you did was skate and smoke. Haha I never would have dreamed I would be in love with someone like that. But there was something about you. Something I saw in you that no one else saw. You knew every little thing about me...to this day, you're still the only person I completely opened myself up to. I've been to scared to open that much again. I wish I could have been there for you, but I wasn't. And I know you would tell me not to put any blame on myself, but I do. I would give anything just to hear your voice again.    I want to hug you so bad so you can just hold me like old times. You weren't suppose to die so young. We had so much to do. You were going to teach me how to skateboard and play guitar. I can't even pick up my guitar anymore because all I do is think of you and cry. Sometimes I wonder who you would be today and what you would be doing with your life. I know we grew apart at the end of your life, but whenever I saw you, you would always run up to me and give me the biggest hug and acted like we never grew apart. After you died everyone asked me why I was so upset. No one knew how close we were. At your funeral I ran up to your mom and just started crying my eyes out. She held me and whispered in my ear, "I know he loved you so much Shannon and I don't want you to ever forget that." I miss you so much it hurts. You are in my thoughts and always will be...I promise you that. I love you Jacob Matthew <3