Concussion/Valentines Day

It has been awhile since I've wrote one of these. So here it goes...

Well Im just now recovering from a concussion I got last week. Libby and I were sitting on Rachelle's bed while she was skyping Hank. I got kinda carried away and leaned off the bed a little to get Rachelle and well...I took a big tumble off the bed! Did a summersault and my head landed flat on the floor. I knocked off some things on Rachelle's table and knocked over her trash can. I was laughing and crying at the same time. Then all of a sudden my head got really dizzy and I could barely walk. I was super sketched out and worried to go to bed that night because you aren't suppose to go to sleep after a concussion. I could have not woken up and died! ahhhhh! butttt im still alive thank goodness! :)
Oh and because of this event, I am now officially up on the "sketch board" ;)

Today is Valentines day as you know. For the past two years I didn't care about this day and hated it. But this year is different because I have Vince! He came here to IWU over the weekend to visit me and went to the USF vs IWU game. I was so happy he came here. He's the first guy to actually come through with that promise. He got me a Juicy Couture perfume set and gorgeous diamond heart necklace! I wasn't expecting that at all! It put a smile on my face. So overall...this has been a good Valentines Day! <3

Jacob Matthew Walker

I had to watch a movie for my psychology class today. It was about suicide...I didnt say anything to anyone but the whole time the movie was on, all I could do was think about you. August 18, 2008...I can't believe it was that long ago. I can still hear your voice, your laugh, I can still feel your hug. We were complete opposites. But you were always there for me no matter what anyone said. I was the prep, you were the punk. I was a cheerleader that just wanted to cheer and do nothing but shop. You were a skater and all you did was skate and smoke. Haha I never would have dreamed I would be in love with someone like that. But there was something about you. Something I saw in you that no one else saw. You knew every little thing about me...to this day, you're still the only person I completely opened myself up to. I've been to scared to open that much again. I wish I could have been there for you, but I wasn't. And I know you would tell me not to put any blame on myself, but I do. I would give anything just to hear your voice again.    I want to hug you so bad so you can just hold me like old times. You weren't suppose to die so young. We had so much to do. You were going to teach me how to skateboard and play guitar. I can't even pick up my guitar anymore because all I do is think of you and cry. Sometimes I wonder who you would be today and what you would be doing with your life. I know we grew apart at the end of your life, but whenever I saw you, you would always run up to me and give me the biggest hug and acted like we never grew apart. After you died everyone asked me why I was so upset. No one knew how close we were. At your funeral I ran up to your mom and just started crying my eyes out. She held me and whispered in my ear, "I know he loved you so much Shannon and I don't want you to ever forget that." I miss you so much it hurts. You are in my thoughts and always will be...I promise you that. I love you Jacob Matthew <3

Some bad, some good

Today was a very...lets just say interesting day. I woke up at the butt crack of dawn to have breakfast with Rachelle. Libby told us that wildcat opened up at 7:30. Rachelle and I got to wildcat at 8:05 and guess what...WILDCAT WAS CLOSED! So we went to Mcconn and got coffee and bagels. I never really thought about it but its really odd to drink a hot drink with a warm bagel. I prefer cold drinks from now on when Im eating a bagel.

I skipped chapel today and my wonderful Mom (aka: Grandma) came and visited me at school. I had to like beg her to come but she finally gave in. We went to the sketchy walmart here in Marion and literally just bout got killed. Mom said she is officially going to be scared for me every time I go to walmart and told me never to go alone. Typical Mom. So then we went to Applebees. Which if you're not from around here, its about the only nice place to go sit down and eat. Its pathetic. Its located in the mall so we walked around it for awhile. Its called the 5 Points Mall....literally because it only has like 5 stores. I wouldn't even consider it a mall. We came back to campus and went to the bookstore and of course mom spoiled me and got me 2 Vera Bradley items I've had my eyes on. And then this super cute sweatshirt I just had to have. So since she did that all for me, I took her to Mcconn and treated her to coffee. After that, she left. She held me for the longest time and her voice got crackly and she kept saying "I love you so much Shannon"...I almost bursted out in tears. It was precious! <3

Thats the good part about my day ;)

The bad part starts here...

Libby, Rachelle, and I were going to go tanning. Wellllll if you don't already know, I drive an STS Cadillac. And if you don't know much about cars, that Cadillac is rear wheel drive! Which means it ABSOLUTELY SUCKS IN SNOW/ICE! So of course since we have like 5 feet of snow here, it was stuck and was not gonna budge. So us 3 little girls shoveled the snow (with this tiny shovel mom bought me) and moved the snow. Well that didn't help. So we got out the "Special Kitty" litter that mom also bought me and scooped it up with our hands (gross) and shoved it under the tires...go figure, my tires just spinned. So Libby decides, "HEY! Lets get hot water and poor it on the ice under the tires. Im just going to tell you now, that did NOT work. At this point we are all freezing so we came inside to take a break. Since Rachelle is so smart she googled how to get my car out. One of the tips was to shove cardboard under the tires. So we work our way down to the recycling room and stole some Papa Johns pizza boxes and put them under our tires....FAIL! By this point, we smell like "Special Kitty", melted tires, and smoke. We just smelled awesome let me tell ya. So we just gave up and came inside and went and got dinner. On our way back to our dorm we call touch hole (for all you who do not know who touch hole is, its Ashley Harris) and we asked her to help us push my car out. She tells us, " sorry but Im in the library bathroom and Im not with Chelsea. I swear on the Holy Bible!" We get back to our rooms and try to open her door, no answer. So we try to go through the bathroom and sneak in her room and the bathroom door is locked! So obviously that she is in there. We broke into the bathroom eventually and went back there and Ashley is hiding under her bed! She was NOT in the bathroom in the library! LIARRRRR!!!! Im officially PISSED at Ashley. I would help her in need of time and she can't even help me :(

So we just moved on to our other TRUE friends and Cat agreed to help us. Thank you Cat! We walked outside and saw Anna walking around acting all sketchy like she always does. She agreed to help us too.  To make a long story short, we got my car out and were so ecstatic! Tanning just made me relax and it was just what I need. So needless to say, I had some good things and some bad things happen to me today. 

Let me make myself clear

I know in my last blog I said don't let me know if you are reading my blogs. What I mean by that is if I write something emotional or personal don't talk to me about it. But if it is something funny then feel free to say something to me about it! :)

But anyways, I helped Mary Beth create a blog today. Ashley created one also. Since my friends are doing this with me it makes me feel better about it. I am worried though that I am going to get certain people I don't want on here and then they will stalk me. Some of my friends know what this means ;)

Oh by the way, I literally almost got shot tonight. Val took Rachelle, Libby, and I around Marion. We went down some of the most SKETCHY streets I've ever seen in my life. Im lucky I am still alive :)

Who would have thought?

I honestly can't believe Im doing this. I told myself I would never get a blog for everyone to see. But the more I think about it, maybe this will help me. I have a lot on my mind here lately...maybe this can be my way of letting it all out. All I can say is don't judge me for whatever you read. And if any of my friends read this, don't tell me. I would rather not know about it.

Im starting to wonder about my life. When I really step back and look at it, I feel like I know nothing. The friends I have, the family members in my life, how I live my life, the things I say and do...they say college helps you figure out who you are. Well Im starting to believe that. I've lost a lot of "friends" and a lot of "family" since the beginning of the school year. I know Im not the same person I once was...and Im not really sure if thats a good or bad thing. To tell you the truth, Im not sure about anything anymore...